Stages of Your Life

[ Male ] [ Female ]

The Male Stages of Life

Age Drink
17 Beer
25 Vodka
35 Scotch
48 Double Scotch
66 Maalox
Seduction Line
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My second wife is dead.
Favorite Sport
17Sex
25Sex
35Sex
48Sex
66Napping
Definition of a Successful Date
17"Tongue"
25"Breakfast"
35"She didn't set back my therapy."
48"I didn't have to meet her kids."
66"Got home alive."
Favorite Fantasy
17Getting to Third
25Airplane Sex
35Menage A Trois
48Taking the Company Public
66Swiss Maid/Nazi Love Slave
House Pet
17Roaches
25Stoned-Out College Roommate
35Irish Setter
48Children from First Marriage
66Barbi
What's the Ideal Age to Get Married?
1725
2535
3548
4866
6617

The Female Stages of Life

Age Drink
17Wine Cooler
25White Wine
35Red Wine
48Dom Perignon
66Shot of Jack with an Ensure Chaser
Excuses for Refusing Dates
17Need to wash my hair.
25Need to wash and condition my hair.
35Need to color my hair.
48Need to have Francois color my hair.
66Need to have Francois color my wig.
Favorite Sport
17Shopping
25Shopping
35Shopping
48Shopping
66Shopping
Definition of a Successful Date
17"Burger King"
25"Free Meal"
35"A Diamond"
48"A Bigger Diamond"
66"Home Alone"
Favorite Fantasy
17Tall, Dark and Handsome
25Tall, Dark and Handsome with Money
35Tall, Dark and Handsome with Money and a Brain
48A Man with Hair
66A Man
House Pet
17Muffy the Cat
25Unemployed Boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35Irish Setter and Muffy the Cat
48Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy
What's the Ideal Age to Get Married
1717
2525
3535
4848
6666
Ideal Date
17He offers to pay.
25He pays.
35He cooks breakfast the next morning.
48He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids.
66He can chew breakfast.

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