A lawyer charged a man $500 for legal services. The man paid him with
$100 bills. After the client left, the lawyer discovered that two bills
stuck together -- he'd been overpaid by $100.
The ethical dilemma for the lawyer: Should he tell his partner?
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's
"$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully
asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal
gave them a fight for their lives. The gang was very happy to escape.
"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got out with $25 between us."
"I warned you to stay clear of lawyers!", the boss screamed. "We had
when we broke in!"
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's
partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist
"Is Mr. Smith there?" repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm
Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client again.
"Madam, do you understand what I'm saying?" said the exasperated
"Mr. Smith is dead."
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time
and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his
an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina,
behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said,
under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak
Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the
message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was
under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.
The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare
A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client
attended the trial was out of town when the jury came back with its
which was for the lawyer and his client. The lawyer immediately sent a
to his client, reading "Justice has triumphed!" The
client wired back, "Appeal at once!"
Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone
"Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You
gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.