Lawyer ~vs~ Blonde

Yesterday

"BUT-FIRST"

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My mother told my father to tell me about the birds and the bees. He took me to Coney Island, pointed to a couple making love under the boardwalk, and said, "Your mother wants you to know that the birds and the bees do the same thing." __George Burns

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Lawyer ~vs~ Blonde

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:

"Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"

Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

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Yesterday . . .

Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a deadline
hanging over me.
The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong Now my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
Thought all my data was here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.

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"BUT-FIRST"

It's when you decide to do the laundry. So you start down the stairs with the laundry, but then see the newspapers on the table. OK, you'll do the laundry.

BUT FIRST you decide to put the newspapers away. So on your way in to put the newspapers away, you notice the mail on the table. OK, you'll put the newspapers away.

BUT FIRST you'll pay that bill that needs to be paid. So you look for the checkbook. Oops...there's the baby's bottle from yesterday on the floor. OK, you'll pay the bill.

BUT FIRST you need to put the bottle in the sink. You head for the kitchen. Darn it, there's the remote for the TV. What's it doing here? Okay, you'll put the bottle in the sink.

BUT FIRST you need to put the remote away. Head for the TV room.

Aaagh! Stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, you'll put the remote away.

BUT FIRST you need to feed the cat...

So, here's what happens at the end of the day....Laundry not done, newspapers on the floor, bottle on the table, bills unpaid, checkbook still lost, cat ate the remote control......

And, when you try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, you are baffled because...you KNOW you were BUSY ALL DAY!!

That's the "BUT-FIRST" Syndrome."

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